I shall have vivid memories of that day. The blood-red earth pattering on mother's coffin. Thomas Perez crumbling like a broken marionette. And the scarlet geraniums on the graves in the cemetary.
It was a mild day. We stretched out on the raft and I lay my head across her body. She didn't seem to mind. So I let it stay there. The sky filled my eyes with blue and gold. Under my head I could feel Marie's stomach gently rising and falling.
The dog has a bad skin disease, it's almost bald and covered with scabs. And the old man looks exactly like his dog. And what's even funnier is the dog has learned to walk just the way the old man does. They're like twins, but oddly enough they can't stand each other.
My head reeling from the heat of the sun. I didn't have the strength to climb the stairs and face the smiling, chattering women above. I shook off the veil of sweat and light that blinded me. I realised I had shot at the impassive stillness of the afternoon and the shimmering silence of the beach. Four shots like four fateful raps on the door to my destiny.
- All the criminals who come in here shed bitter tears at seeing his precious image. Are you sorry for what you did?
- I'm not sorry, exactly. I'm rather a little annoyed.
I've heard they always come for you at dawn. Now I spend my nights waiting for that one daybreak. I never like being caught off guard. That's why I'll only sleep during the day. Watching all through the night for the first glimmer of light in the sky.
At the slightest sound at the door, I press my ear to the wood, listening so intently I can hear my own breathing. Quick, hoarse breathing. Like the panting of a dog. Then my frenzy subsides. And I know I'll live another 24 hours.
I've spent a lot of time thinking that it makes little difference whether one dies at the age of 30 or 70. For once you're dead it doesn't matter how, or when you died. Whenever I talk myself into believing that, I'm at peace for a little while.
These walls are steeped in human misery, I know that. I sense the torment and sorrow within. But deep inside, I know, each man who waited here for death saw emerging from that blackness,our saviour's face.
I must have slept, because when I opened my eyes the stars were shining on my face. The sounds of the countryside floated into my cell with the cool night air, that smelled of earth, and salt, and fanned my cheeks. The marvellous peace of the sleeping summer night washed over me like the tide. Then, just at the edge of daybreak, I heard a ship's whistle. People were starting on a voyage in a world that had ceased to exist for me.
And I too felt ready to start life over again. It was as if my great rush of anger had washed me clean, purged me of hope, and staring up at that night sky, for the first time I opened my heart to the sweet indifference of the universe, and I felt that it was so much like myself, almost like a brother, that I realised that I'd been happy, and that I was happy still. For all to be complete, for me to feel less alone, I only wish there would be huge crowds of onlookers at my execution, and that they greet me with howls of contempt.