Patrick Melrose
2018

梅尔罗斯

Patrick Melrose (Original Title)

《梅尔罗斯》改编自爱德华·圣·奥宾的同名自传小说,讲述出生于上层阶级家庭的男主角帕特里克·梅尔罗斯在幼时经常遭到父亲的虐待,而母亲也对这一情况表示默许。他成人之后,最开始是个有着一身问题的花花公子,但最终从中恢复,走向自我救赎之路。

2018年5月12日

Quotes from Patrick Melrose:

"太阳照常升起,一切如常",是该把握今朝了。[引用自 塞缪尔·贝克特 小说"墨菲"]
"And the sun shone, having no alternative." Well, it's time to seize the fucking day!

我想 "如果我能变成壁虎...或许我就能熬过去"
I thought, "If I can somehow put myself inside...then I might be able to get through this."

我意识到自己放下了一切,却什么也没拿起。
Yes, well, I've realized I've given up everything.

我还想着他从棺材里坐起来,像日落时的吸血鬼。 "这也能叫棺材,这里的服务简直无法容忍" 。
I half expected him to sit upright in the coffin like a vampire at sunset. "Call this a coffin? The service here is intolerable!"

生活不只是一袋屎,还是一袋会漏的屎,人难免会被屎沾到。
Life's not just a bag of shit, but a leaky one. You can't help being touched by it.

那才叫做有意义的生命,就像个印第安土著什么的,日出而作, 凿井而饮,耕田而食。如果想吃鸡,就得出门,自己动手杀。
Now that's a meaningful life. Just like a Red Indian or something. Getting up with the sun...Living off the land, connected to the earth. And if you want a chicken, you have to go out, and strangle it yourself.

如果我要挣脱桎梏 面对世界,不仅这个宴会,而是真实世界,去学点什么 做出成就,去生活,不仅是生存,那我必须把这些事情大声说出来。
And if I'm going to break out into the world not just this, but the real world, to learn something, make a contribution, live rather than just survive, then I am going to have to say these things out loud.

"如果你有才能 利用它,不然你会痛苦一辈子",这是他一生留下最友善的话了。
"If you have a talent, use it. Or you'll be miserable all your life." It was just about the only non-hostile remark he ever made.

我最害怕的是,我居然这么讨厌她,看信时,我想松开领结喘喘气,后来发现不是领结, 而是绳套捆在我脖子上,厌恶的绳套。
You know what frightens me the most is how much I loathe her! When I read the letter, I tried to loosen my collar so I could breathe and I realized it wasn't my collar, it was actually a noose tightening around my neck a noose of loathing!

讽刺的是我爸的遗体很难找,而我身上却处处有他的影子。
Ironic that my father's remains were so hard to find, when I have no trouble discovering them in myself.

她现在不会变的 她很害怕...那我讨厌的是什么,我讨厌...世世代代传下来的精神毒药,我宁死也不要让我们的孩子经历同样的事。
She's not going to change now. She's a frightened woman...What do I loathe, then? I loathe...the poison dripping down from generation to generation. And I'd rather die than inflict the same thing on our children.

你用了太久保护他们,远离颓废和抑郁,结果你自己却颓废抑郁了。
You spend so much time guarding them against decay and depression that you end up decayed and depressed.

不管过去怎样,至少我们还有个叫家的地方,对这个家刚有的一点好感,都被她抹掉了 取而代之的是,一贯的怨恨和不满。
Whatever happened in the past, at least we had somewhere we all felt at home. And now all those little concessions to family feeling are being tossed away to be replaced by the trademark family malice and spite.

我总算是孤儿了,梦想成真,过了这么久,我终于完整了。
So... An orphan at last! It's what I always dreamed of. After all this time, I feel complete.

这不是悲恸或悼念,这是愤怒,我的心在咆哮,她知道,她早就知道了,就算是潜意识里 她也肯定知道,她知道他是怎样的人,但她没做到她该做的,保护她的儿子,天知道我他妈一直是个没用的父亲和丈夫,但要是有人想伤害我们的孩子 我会站出来,不惜一切保护他们,因为你要是爱他,你会保护他,但我母亲呢?
天呐,怪不得他不肯放她走,身边的小孩和儿子都被推入深渊,他真是走狗屎运了,年复一年 想干嘛干嘛,想来就来,没人能那样对待任何人。
This is not grief or mourning. This is rage, my heart is racing with it. She knew! She must have known. Surely she must have, even subconsciously. She knew what he was like and yet she failed to do the one thing she was obliged to do, to protect her son! Christ knows, I've been a fucking useless father and a useless husband. But if I thought someone was gonna harm our children, I would fight. Even I would do whatever it takes because if you love someone, you protect them. But my mother? 
Christ, no wonder he stuck with her! All those children around and a son thrown into the bargain. He couldn't believe his fucking luck! Years and years and years of it, doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Nobody should do that to anybody else.

- "爸爸妈妈毁了你的生活,也许不是有意,但事实如此" [引用自诗人 拉金 "这就是诗"]
- 谁说他们不是故意的?
- "They fuck you up, your mum and dad.  They may not mean to, but they do." 
- Who says they don't mean to? 

- 他死了你难过吗?
- 我难过他曾活过。
- Tu regrettes qu'il soit mort?
- I regret he lived.

- 他怎么死的?
- 忘了问,我当时被喜悦冲昏了头,不好意思,我是说被悲痛冲昏了头。
- How did he die?
- I forgot to ask, I was too dizzy with glee. I'm sorry, I mean, dazed with grief.

Quotes from Nicolas Pratt:

在那的第一个夏天,我们都坐在阳台上,她抱怨浪费了很多无花果,它们从树上落下,在地上腐烂,而世界上还有人在挨饿,大卫做了一件很棒的事,他让埃莉诺趴下,吃掉地上的每一个无花果。
First summer there, we were all sitting on the terrace and she complained about the dreadful waste of figs that fell from the tree onto the ground and rotted there, while there were people starving in the world. And David did this amazing thing. He told Eleanor to get down on all fours and eat every fig off the ground...

有时我觉得我应该跟她断了,找个有教养,有文化,见多识广,跟我能谈得来的女人结婚,然后我就想起来,我已经跟两个这样的人离婚了。
Sometimes I think I should be done with it and settle down with a well-bred, well-educated, well-informed woman whose conversation I can bear. And then I remember I've...divorced two of them already.

我拒绝为平淡无奇的童年道歉,也不为享受痛苦胜过快乐而道歉。
Well, I refuse to apologize for an uneventful childhood, or to relish the suffering over the happiness.

我发现漂亮女人们,都是在男人空等很久后,一窝蜂地出现,就像公交车,虽然我没等过公交。
What I find with beautiful women is that after one's waited around for ages, they all arrive at once, like buses are supposed to do. Not that I've ever waited around for a bus.

Quotes from others:

Julia: 你无聊又孤独,我也无聊又孤独,也许它们会互相抵消,像电荷一样。
Well, you're bored and lonely. I'm bored and lonely. Maybe they'll cancel each other out, like electrical charges.

Julia: 我们这个年纪,凄凉不是春药,我不会再来了。
Squalor is not an aphrodisiac, not at our age. I can't come here again.

Victor: 总要有人反对残忍,哪怕是拒绝同流合污。
In the end one must oppose cruelty, even if only by refusing to take part.

David Melrose: 永远不要让别人替你做重要的决定。
Never let other people make important decisions for you.

David Melrose: 一个人应该只去他敌人的追悼会,有一种比敌人活得久的成就感,但也是一个停战的机会。
One should only go to an enemy's memorial service. There's the pleasure of outliving them, but also the opportunity for a truce.

Anne: 我没看出怀才不遇有什么耀眼的,有什么杰出的,就因为在同个地方一直碌碌无为吗?
I fail to see what's so glamorous about lost promise."Distinguished" for what?For doing nothing for a long time in the same place?

Anne: 我只喜欢那个男孩,至少他还有点人性。
The only one I like is the boy. At least he still has a little life in him.

Chilly: 我们没像肥皂一样化在浴缸里就是奇迹
It's a miracle we don't melt in the bath like a piece of soap.

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